America is, after all, the nation built on self-reliance, strength, and determination. We have long been told that all of our problems can be fought and won by our own strength and willpower.

When attempting to improve the spiritual aspect of their lives, many people attack the issue in much of the same way. More meditation time, more time in prayer, more books on the subject, more retreats. Their belief is that these practices will automatically lead to improvement.

None of these are inherently bad; in fact, I would argue the exact opposite.

But the problem with this approach is simply the amount of pressure it puts on us. It is formulaic, and it puts all of the pressure on our performance. When we miss the mark, which is inevitable, we will inevitably feel like we are back at square one. Not only that, but what if we do all of these things, and still do not feel like we are any better off? Then there must be something wrong with us, or our belief system, right?

What if we have it completely backwards?

What if the key to a greater peace in our lives is to move past the need to serve ourselves, and to begin to look for ways to serve others?

Here is the interesting part: it does not have to be anything crazy or drastic. It could be as simple as mowing your neighbor’s lawn one day, or buying someone’s groceries for them at Walmart, or even something as small as giving up a parking spot for someone else (and all the men gasp with incredulity), or holding the door open for someone, sparing them a kind word or two, with no ulterior motive.

For what it is worth, I am twenty-eight years old, so while I have personally seen the power of selfless action and altruism play out in my own life and the lives of those around me, some readers may dismiss this simply because of my age.

But you do not need to take my word for it.

A recent study from PubMed Central (PMC), aimed at analyzing the effects of self-centered vs. selfless mindsets, found that, “while self-centered psychological functioning induces fluctuating happiness, authentic–durable happiness results from selflessness.”

Although it seems backwards, the key to true happiness is not actually focusing on your own happiness. It is extremely counterintuitive, until you actually start practicing it.

Even at twenty-eight, I have seen the fruit of selflessness in my own life. I am a pastor at Harvest Fellowship in Artesia, New Mexico. My job is, quite literally, serving others in any way I can. Now, I am far from perfect, but I have found that it is when I am serving others, putting someone’s well-being above my own, that I find happiness, and even beyond that—what the Bible calls “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding.” This feeling is not limited to my own experience. I have seen others reorient the perspective on their lives, turning from their own selfish desires, resolving to serve others in any way they can, resulting in more joy and peace for the person and those around them. The most encouraging thing is that the process looks different for every person.